reality is so undefined!!!

One scene after another, like reels of a motion picture, life seems to be running, characters coming , going, saying their lines only it doesn’t seem real. Its like as if iam jumping between scenes randomly connected dots that end up making a picture, like scattered dreams, only that I am watching them like a bystander, watching my ownself like a passive viewer from a realm that’s not well defined. Blurred sense of suspended immobility, like passages between dreams where there is only darkness and a realization that I am sleeping and my eyes are closed and what seems so real and comforting today is nothing but a dream that my subconscious weaves to ease out bottled desires.

To what do owe this sense of inexplicable emotion. Pain , it cant be, because it doesn’t hurt, grief, but its not heavy, relief , then why don’t I feel free. Its more like indifference , a sense of having and yet not being able to possess. To be bleeding and yet not feel pain. To be smiling and not be able to be happy. To be moving and not yet walking.

Truth and lie I wish were clear dimensions , bounded by lines , or color coded or some sort of way that comes so natural to our affliction of prejudice that could clearly demarcate them. Binocular vision at what expense when most of what we see is blurred , self consoling virtous reality created, destroyed and modified at whims of our intelligence. So what do I have half truth, three fourths truth, incompelete lies and a reality fixed by bandages over and over again that even contorsion seems a parody.